http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/ask-the-expert/My-wife-is-possessive-about-my-best-friend/articleshow/47326751.cms
Question: I introduced my wife to my best friend a couple of years ago and since then, they became good friends. I used to notice my wife's affectiontowards my friend often but I chose to ignore it. However, my friend got married recently and since then, my wife has started interfering in his married life. She doesn't approve of my friend's wife and wants to take all his life's decisions.
I am unable to understand if she's actually in love with him and if not, then why does she want to include him every time we go for personal outings? Please advise as how should I deal with my wife without offending her or making it sound as if I don't trust her. - By Anonymous
Answer by Aditi Kulkarni: Talk to her; share your concerns without accusing or demeaning. Focus on how you are feeling rather than what she is doing wrong. You clearly care a lot about her feelings and don't want to offend her. Try to convey this when you speak to her. Remember that not talking about it will only make things worse. Her affection for your friend could be harmless, and since you don't have any evidence to think otherwise, it's best to hear out her version.
All relationships are defined by certain boundaries. In the case of marriage, these boundaries need to be mutually set and respected by both partners. If either partner feels that these boundaries are repeatedly being flouted, then rather than ignoring or brushing it under the carpet, they must discuss this openly. In your case, your wife spending time with your best friend, including him in personal outings, or disapproving of his wife, are indications of boundary violations.
There is nothing wrong in her being friendly with him. However, considering the discomfort this is putting you in, I suggest that you share your concerns with her instead of letting the suspicion fester.
Let her know how important it is for you to spend some time with just her. Both of you should communicate any misgivings openly. Pent up frustrations may find outlets in disturbing ways. And the best way to avoid this is to discuss things openly as and when they crop up.
Question: I introduced my wife to my best friend a couple of years ago and since then, they became good friends. I used to notice my wife's affectiontowards my friend often but I chose to ignore it. However, my friend got married recently and since then, my wife has started interfering in his married life. She doesn't approve of my friend's wife and wants to take all his life's decisions.
I am unable to understand if she's actually in love with him and if not, then why does she want to include him every time we go for personal outings? Please advise as how should I deal with my wife without offending her or making it sound as if I don't trust her. - By Anonymous
Answer by Aditi Kulkarni: Talk to her; share your concerns without accusing or demeaning. Focus on how you are feeling rather than what she is doing wrong. You clearly care a lot about her feelings and don't want to offend her. Try to convey this when you speak to her. Remember that not talking about it will only make things worse. Her affection for your friend could be harmless, and since you don't have any evidence to think otherwise, it's best to hear out her version.
All relationships are defined by certain boundaries. In the case of marriage, these boundaries need to be mutually set and respected by both partners. If either partner feels that these boundaries are repeatedly being flouted, then rather than ignoring or brushing it under the carpet, they must discuss this openly. In your case, your wife spending time with your best friend, including him in personal outings, or disapproving of his wife, are indications of boundary violations.
There is nothing wrong in her being friendly with him. However, considering the discomfort this is putting you in, I suggest that you share your concerns with her instead of letting the suspicion fester.
Let her know how important it is for you to spend some time with just her. Both of you should communicate any misgivings openly. Pent up frustrations may find outlets in disturbing ways. And the best way to avoid this is to discuss things openly as and when they crop up.
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