Boundaries in counselling

In my previous article, I described counselling as "a process of healing, which is defined by certain boundaries". To understand what counselling is, and how it works, it is important to know the meaning of boundaries. Literally speaking, they are limits which are mutually agreed upon, in order to ensure the safety and well-being of both clients and counsellors.

Boundaries are behaviour patterns that are agreed upon between a client and counsellor (for example, beginning each session at a pre-decided time). Such boundaries help to give a structure to the relationship. They ensure the smooth running of the process. Some boundaries are implicit. Such as refraining from a romantic or sexual relationship with a client. Others are discussed with the client and can be negotiated. Laying down and respecting boundaries are core aspects of a successful counselling relationship.

In any counselling setup, it is the responsibility of the counsellor to uphold the safety and well-being of their clients. A lot of times, people come to counselling because there is some sort of chaos or disorder in their lives. In the process of finding meaning in this chaos, it is important to have some sort of structure to hold you up. Boundaries are this support net. In this sense, they have both structural and functional value. Open discussion of expected patterns and behaviours allows you, as a client, to feel a sense of security.

To read more about boundaries click here.

What is counselling?

What is Counselling? (Photo source: Pixabay)

What is counselling? Quite simply, it is a process of healing, which is defined by certain boundaries. Contrary to stereotype, it isn’t a place to get advice (though most often people do find solutions to their problems when in counselling). It is a place to uncover the layers of your problem with the help of a warm, non-judgmental professional. 

The question I face most often is: why do you need a counsellor when you have family and friends you can speak to? Coming from people raised in a culture of close-knit social contact, it’s a pretty valid query. However, it is this very nature of our society that makes counselling – in its real sense – a necessity.

In my understanding, counselling is a relationship, a space that is defined as being safe and confidential, where the boundaries are well defined. Most importantly, the counsellor – being an objective stranger – does not feel pressurised to “fix things” or “make it better”. This might seem like a trivial thing, or even a negative point to some of you. Believe me, it isn’t. I, for one, have been more frustrated about my problems after talking about it than I was before, on more than one occasion. Quite naturally, if I’m miserable, the people who care for me want my misery to end. So instead of just hearing me out…instead of letting me vent, I find them joining in my rant. I empathise with that need to support by joining; I do it myself so often!

Your counsellor is not your friend. He or she is a professional whose job is to facilitate you to find a way through your mess. And in doing so, they extend an unconditional acceptance of you as a person. They may challenge your habits and behaviours, but never doubt the person you are. They believe in your potential to excel, and communicate it too.

I can’t begin to describe how liberating it is to speak your mind without trying to mould it to suit the listener. For me, the most important thing about counselling is this opportunity to say out loud, things you are scared of even saying in your head. It is the first step to finding your way out (or ‘in’…whichever it is that you are looking for)…a pre-requisite to recovery.

Counselling is for everyone. And I don’t mean it in a marketing-sorta-way. Everybody faces emotional turmoil at various times in his or her life. A lot of times, you feel equipped to handle it yourself. There may even be times when you feel too overwhelmed to cope. The latter might require you to experience a longer-term, more intense counselling relationship, but in both instances, counselling will prove to be useful.